so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
