You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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