She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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