Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
