I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
