the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
