I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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