You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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