I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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