Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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