She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
