this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is the high leading the old right now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
