i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
