I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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