Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
