Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your penis caused this!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
