Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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