You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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