And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
