One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
