can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
