hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
