1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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