what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
