You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
