quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
