Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
