covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
