Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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