The maid of honor just puked.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
