Im at strip club and am horny
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
