So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
