oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
