Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
