I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
