Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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