I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
50% drunk capacity currently
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
