I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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