the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
