I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
