Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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