guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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