i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
