I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
