glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
