drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
