i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
