yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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