you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
