i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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