Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ttyl tear gas
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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