First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think people are normalizing furries
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
