you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What drink are we having for lunch?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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