he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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