So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
