4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
