remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
