Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
