hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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